Today's Special: 30%

      I don't know what other title I should give today's day. Today was a day filled with emotions. I guess it was 80% today. Normally at school I'd go with 50%. The percentages are really going with emotions and going with the feeling of caring. and Maybe I cared too much today. This morning started like any other day. I just went to school. I got into drama class and we do an exercise. Afterwards we got to the lab and that's when everything really started. I had told the group members to prepare a short summary of their topic to put into the outline that I had already typed up 2 days ago. As we're sitting in the lab only one person has done it. If you listen well - someone did have a reliable excuse. They were working and when they got home they were tired. But really it was

COMPLETELY last minute. So late that I was so stressed. I couldn't even put in my part into the outline I was that stressed. I just wanted to cry but I held it in because I just hate crying. When I cry I remember everything bad that's ever happened. and it's just - it's a flashback of stupid memories.

      When I got to my locker I just couldn't. I didn't really cry, water was just coming out. And then we get to the caf and that's when I really couldn't take it. Sonia asked how I was. I haven't talked to her properly since forever. I was never able to trust her ever since I had been the last one to know anything about her. I don't know if any of you know that feeling but it's like really hard. You want to trust her, but you don't know if you might be the last one to know about it or she's even lying to you. You'll feel like you're just an acquaintance. Just someone she says Hi to and then doesn't ever talk to ever again. I really question myself sometimes. Am I her friend? 

      I was happy to have talked to her like I really felt good. We went on a walk a few times and I felt much better. But then her boyfriend comes. He's one of the things she hasn't told me until last minute. I hate that "last minute". I hate being last. I'm not a competitive person but at least I want to be ranked in the middle of something. I'm someone that will fall behind and stay there until some miracle happens. I turn around and he just appears. I wanted to be with her alone. So I did my usual joking thing where I told him that he wasn't suppose to see her until Tuesday and Wednesday. Do people just not understand me? am I just some face that makes someone laugh? Maybe I should've worded it differently. Maybe I should've just stayed in the caf when she left. Maybe I should'nt have even come to school today if I know it would be this horrible.

      I am just not fit to live with humans aren't I? Or at least. Maybe I'm just born to live with kids. Maybe I'm just suited to sit in a pure minded area. Or maybe I am just born to get pushed around by people. I can say it this way. I didn't do enough. I should'nt care about Sonia even if she's kidnapped. Maybe I should think that way so I don't try to stop her from seeing her boyfriend. It was the first time she yelled at me like that. I wasn't giving him or her attitude. I just wanted to be with her after so long. I'm so tired sometimes that I just want to sit in a completely white room and just stare at the walls. Today 30% of emotions was on the stressful drama project. and the 40% was on Sonia. 10% was everywhere else.

      Maybe I'm just taking all this too seriously. Maybe I should've just not care about my drama project. Maybe I should've just not cared about Sonia. Maybe I should've stuck to a 50%; no less - 30% day today.

      If you've been having a shitty day today too. I hope you felt better after reading about my day? May tomorrow be filled with sunshine, rainbows and Smiley faces...

Have a good day! :)